Gray Hair Freedom: Dana's Story

There’s a soft strength to Dana Benefield's gray, much like her personality, very mild yet sure. She’s 44, a wife, mother of four, and a woman who decided four years ago to stop covering and start letting her silver strands be as is – a patch that sits like a beauty mark at the front of her hairline. Just a few grays make their way down the side. The shimmer can’t be missed, especially surrounded by dark, shoulder-length curls.

Dana had to grow to get here, to this here-I-am silver season that has opened her up to a new side of confidence and contentment. Of course, life is about more than what's on her head. The hair is a statement, but the woman is the true masterpiece.

I met with Dana recently to chat about life, change and all that comes with her look these days. She came through the door, and we immediately started talking about her love for gardening and being outdoors. She spent time earlier that day enhancing her yard. "I just love having my hands in the dirt, you know? It makes me feel like a part of nature," she said, smiling. While we ordered salads, I couldn't help but smile, too. We were two women in the place, gray and unashamed.

Speaking of part of nature, I was ready to talk about this natural thing happening in Dana's crown. Her silver was so understated, yet dramatically up front and center. After the resistance period, which most of us go through, she now loves the way her grays show up, and she's settled enough with it that she wants to inspire women to give it a chance for themselves.

Dana speaks...

...on transitioning to gray hair

I had a few gray strands coming in when I was in my late 20’s, but I would just cover it up with dye. In January 2022, I was getting dolled up for my 40th birthday, and I didn't realize, but it would be the last time I would dye my hair completely. I felt like the Lord lifted the veil on many things for me that year. Some really difficult life experiences made me not care what people thought. I started a healing journey and stopped covering. In October that year, I got my nose pierced and let the grays be. I was going to have fun with this!

...on "looking old"

I had to unlearn the stigma that gray hair equates to being or looking old. I remember I was at my 10-year-old son's basketball game and one of the mothers asked me if I was there to see my grandson play. I told her no, I'm here to see my son play. I felt really discouraged in that moment, but I've grown so much in my thinking since then. I got over it. Really, it's a mix, sometimes I get that I look young and sometimes I get that I look older. But the way I dress ties into that. When I wear brighter colors and more vibrant pieces, it makes me look younger. So, the style, the colors, the cut of certain outfits... it all matters.

...on pressures to "stay young"

I felt indirect pressure internally because I know women who are older than me, but they don’t have any gray hair because they color it. There was a season where I was processing the thoughts…well if they're older than me and dyeing their hair to look beautiful, I guess in their eyes I must not look beautiful because I have gray hair that is showing. I started not being so bothered by trying to fit in the "box" of what society’s beauty standard is, which says if you're "this age," you should not have "that much" gray hair.

Letting go of Dye, Embracing Gray

Lighter things

Favorite color: blue

Go-to shoes: sneakers

Hair personality: sassy

Her "now" hair product: Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls

One quirk she accepts about herself

I love the idea of being spontaneous, and in my head, I think I’m fun and spontaneous. Although I'm fun, I am not spontaneous. I’m a planner. Lol.

Becoming

I feel like parts of me that were dormant for a season are being reawakened, and there are parts of me coming alive that I didn’t even know existed. I'm just thankful for the ways that God is growing me. I'm more confident now and I don’t feel intimidated to cave into the expectations of others. My identity is in Jesus, so the closer I get to Him, the more I feel like I’m walking in my purpose.

For the woman thinking about it

I say try it for a season and see how you feel about it. You can always dye it again, so why not try? Women often say to me, "I wish I could let my gray hair show like that." The truth is, they can! There's beauty in all different shades, styles, and hair textures. As women we should encourage one another. If you see a woman and her grays are coming in, compliment her. Build her up. You're blessed if you live long enough to see gray hairs.

"Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life."

On Proverbs 16:31

When I think of a crown, I see a circle which is continuous and never-ending, just like God's love for us. He promises to never leave us. I look at a crown, and each tip represents a mountain, and each dip is a valley of life experiences. The crown says that God was with me at my lowest and He was with me on the mountain top moments in my life. For that I am forever grateful, so I embrace change and wear my crown with honor.